If you’re anything like the women we work with you’re probably sick of the endless cycle of hope that you might be pregnant this month, followed by the feeling of loss and failure when you get your period. Your husband tries to offer solutions but he finds it hard to just allow your feelings. After a while you stop telling him when you’re feeling low, but you know this just creates more disconnection between the two of you. Your loving making has already become robotic as you try to fit it around your “ovulation window” and your busy schedules.
Maybe you’ve tried IVF as a “last resort” only to come out emotionally, physically and financially drained, but no closer to having a baby. You’re plagued by feelings of inadequacy “Why can’t I do the thing that everyone else does so effortlessly? Is there something wrong with me? I know stress doesn’t help. Maybe it’s my fault.” You may even have thoughts of “What if I can’t have a baby? Will my husband still want to be with me? It’s not like I’m fun to be around right now.”
If you can relate to any of this you are not alone.
There are certain key shifts we help our patients make that can make all the difference. One of these is what we call “putting fertility to one side.” We’ve all heard stories of the couples who just gave up trying and then magically got pregnant. Well the reality is, for many people the “trying” is part of the problem. Trying harder won’t get you there. You need a new approach. It’s so easy to put off happiness until you get pregnant. But this is really putting the horse before the cart. If you can be at peace before you get pregnant, often you remove the blockage that is stopping you from getting pregnant.
Now I’m not saying this shift is easy to make, but we see it happening all the time. You need the right strategies and you need to understand how your body and your mind really work.